Without You
by datawolf39
Summary: A little one-shot that came out of nowhere. I don't really know what to put in a summary that won't give everything away so please just give it a shot. T for certain themes.


The day that John Watson died was the day that Sherlock Holmes realized that the man had made more of an impression on him than he had ever realized.

"I'm sorry," the doctor had said to the people that were gathered in the waiting room. "We did all that we could but there was just too much damage..." the was probably more said after that but all Sherlock was aware of was the total mental shutdown that he is experiencing.

John was gone.

No John was dead.

Gone implied he could come back.

Death was final when it was in fact true death.

It shouldn't have happened this way.

John should still be here. Sherlock knows this.

Somehow Sherlock gets back to 221B. He wasn't sure how but he thinks he walked. But he isn't certain though since he can't feel anything.

It's the next day. Day one of life without John.

He finds himself wanting to stay asleep because in his dreams John is alive and well still sharing the flat with him.

People come by and try to console him but he only stares at them blankly. Nothing they can say can help him so he need not listen.

Only John could help him and John was dead.

Eventually he is taken to a safe house by Mycroft because he is unable to care for himself anymore. He hadn't even tried. By the time he had be found in his flat he was malnourished and laying in a pool of his own waste.

Slowly his great mind deteriorates further and after a while the only thing that plays behind his closed eyes in his waking hours is the last moments of John's life. The blond had jumped in front of three bullets to save Sherlock's life. The cavalry arrived guns ablaze seconds later but it was too late. John was bleeding out all over Sherlock. Sherlock had pulled him close trying to keep the blood inside him all the while knowing that his friend was slipping away before his eyes and that for all his brain power he was powerless to stop it.

Soon he is screaming so loud for so long his voice is hoarse and the nurses are forced to sedate him.

He is happy being sedated because then he is free to dream up adventures for him and John.

Sometimes they wake him up. Trying to get him better.

It never works.

A few years later he dies. Some say that he was merely overdosed on drugs. But the people that know he knows he died of the grief of a broken heart.

Sherlock jerks awake panting hard, He looks around. "I am in my room. It was only a dream." he says aloud just to hear his voice. It sounds fine apart from the shakiness.

He hops from the bed and races for the stairs before he remembers.

"John is g-," he starts to say but then he remembers the dream and in panic says "John is not here. John is alive, he is."

He needs to see John right now.

Sherlock grabs his phone and calls the familiar number. It rings. "Pick up John please."

As though in answer to his prayer the phone is answered. "It's one a.m. Sherlock what- "

Sherlock knows John is mad at him. He does but the fact that John is alive to be made at him pulls a shaky, almost insane sounding, relieved sounding laugh from him.

John stops talking and Sherlock panics. "Don't stop talking please," he begs.

"Sherlock what happened? Why are you crying?" John said sounding alarmed and wide awake now despite the hour and the fact that he had stormed from Baker Street only half a day previous.

Sherlock realizes that he is crying and he can't speak because of it. He can hardly breathe. But the bigger problem is that he can't hear John over his own sobs.

He manages to quiet himself just a bit. John is trying to calm him. Sherlock can hear the wind in the background. John is running to him. Even after they argued.

The memory came rushing back at the thought.

"You will never understand how I felt Sherlock!" John had screamed.

Sherlock had stood there unaffected knowing that John was making a huge deal out of nothing.

"I thought you were dead for over two years. Two years!"

"John I apologized already," he had said hoping that it would help.

"Sometimes an apology isn't enough," John had said quietly then he had stormed out the door to get away from him.

Sherlock had felt a bit bad but he knew that John would be back. He had gone to sleep after that.

Moments later, John was bursting through the door and Sherlock dropped his phone and rushed at him draping his lanky form over the smaller study body of his companion. He understood now he really did.

"Sherlock what happened?" John asked breathlessly rubbing his back in soothing circles.

"I need you John. You're never allowed to die alright?"

John laughed gently. "I can't promise you that but I can say that I will be careful, will that suffice?"

"No." Sherlock said burying himself further into the very alive John.

"Sherlock what happened to you?" He said as he steadily moved both of them so that they were sitting on the couch.

Slowly Sherlock told John of his nightmare feeling himself relax as he did so. Part of it was due to the fact that John had continued to rub his back while he spoke.

After a while Sherlock finished and he caught a smile smile from John. For a second he thought that John had found amusement in his story. John must have seen something in his face that revealed his thoughts because he was thumped in the head for his troubles.

"It was a horrible dream but I couldn't help finding some measure of happiness in the fact that you chose not to delete me. I'm not happy you had to suffer but I am pleased that you chose to remember."

"I could never delete you John. That was an impossibility the day that I met you."

"That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." John said.

Sherlock huffed turned away from John.

"I'm sorry," John said laughing. "If it's any consolation I could never forget you either."

Sherlock smiled just a bit and John knew that he was forgiven. Then Sherlock stretched himself on the couch with his head cushioned in John's lap. When John tried to move Sherlock stopped him. "Stay."

Just like always John did as Sherlock told him to and if he awoke to find that they had slept like that for a few hours well it was all fine because people were already talking anyway.

**A/N this came out of nowhere and I spent a few hours getting it down because I had to. I think i like it but reviews would be awesome.**


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